


What It Means to Smile

by enbysee



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-11-27 23:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18200573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbysee/pseuds/enbysee
Summary: Juliana travels around the country and misses Valentina, so of course Valentina comes to visit her. They're in love and it's adorable. No real plot. Set some time after the end of the show.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first piece of fanfiction I've ever written; I've been a reader for years, though. Any and all feedback would be welcome.

She couldn’t help laughing, though her cheeks were sore from the effort of holding these still-unfamiliar smiles on her face. Valentina could always draw them out of her, no matter how far apart they were.

“It’s only been a week, _chiquita_ ,” Valentina’s voice spoke into her ear, tinny with the distance. Juliana sighed through her smile.

“A long week, Val.” Valentina hummed in quiet agreement on the other end of the line, and Juliana could perfectly envision the way she was sitting in bed, one hand twisting through her hair, the other holding the phone close to her cheek.

Ever since her fashion line took off, she had been traveling all over Mexico. It was exciting, but draining. These many-hours-long phone calls with Val were often the only thing that got her through the unfamiliar social interactions with upper class models and designers. She still felt out of place, alone in this world of wealthy socialites, but Valentina was always there to reassure her that she belonged wherever she went.

“Juls...” Valentina paused, her voice thoughtful. “What if I came to visit you there? I can take a couple days off work, come meet you and the new models. Would you have time?” Joy surged up in Juliana and she grinned unabashedly up at the ceiling of her hotel room, fingers curling more tightly around her phone as if taking Val’s hand. She had the best girlfriend in the entire world.

“Only if you have the time, Val. I know you’re busy there; that’s why you didn’t come in the first place.” Valentina started to protest, but before she could get more than a couple words out, Juliana continued. “But I’d love for you to be here.” A soft sigh filtered through the phone.

“I’d love to be there, too, _mi amor_.” Juliana’s heart melted a little bit more at her words.

“ _Te amo_ , Valentina. I can’t wait to see you. Text me with your flight details?”

“I’ll tell the pilot to take me tomorrow. No reason to delay!” Juliana laughed again, shaking her head. The perks of having a private jet. She was still occasionally astounded at just how much money Valentina had at her disposal. Even with Juliana’s new more-than-modest income, she still saved and scrimped in a way Valentina had never in her life considered doing. “I’ll let you know when I get in. I’ll be there in time for the show tomorrow night for sure. Now, you should sleep! It’s late and I know you’re going to push yourself too hard tomorrow.” Juliana couldn’t argue with that; Valentina knew her much too well.

“But now I have something to look forward to! There’s this beautiful girl that will be coming to my show. I’ve heard she’s the most attractive woman in all of Mexico. What do you think of that?” It was Valentina’s turn to laugh, and the sound of it set Juliana’s heart ablaze in a way nothing else could.

“She sounds incredible, but there’s no way she’s more beautiful than you, _bonita_.” Juliana’s breath caught in her lungs. Valentina always knew exactly what to say, somehow, turning her teasing into entirely too romantic declarations. “Now, sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow! Good luck with everything, Juls. Can’t wait to see you!”

“Good night, Val.” The click of the call ending left Juliana feeling a little lonely, but she smiled and smiled, delight pulling at her tired cheeks, as the thought of Valentina’s arrival carried her into peaceful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I know nothing at all about the fashion industry.

The day had already been long and exhausting, just as she and Valentina had predicted the night before. She was currently trying not to punch one of the lighting technicians, who was boredly asserting that he had checked everything and so she ought not to worry her “pretty little head” over it. She had had her fill of arrogant, patronizing men over the years and she was not about to deal with this right now.

She stalked off towards her assistant, who saw her approaching and immediately looked past her to see who had made her so angry. She sighed and nodded, looking at Juliana apologetically.

“Don’t worry, Miss Valdes, I’ll take care of it. He’s always a problem. I’ll double check things for you. Also, your phone rang a few minutes ago, and I know you’re expecting a call.” Juliana’s heart leapt. Valentina! Suddenly, it didn’t matter what man belittled her or where the stylist had gone not two hours from the start of the runway show. Valentina would be here, and everything would be fine.

She rushed to her phone and listened to the voicemail her girlfriend had left her, in which she was giggling helplessly, rambling about how Chivis had made her bring only one suitcase and it was so full it had ripped and spilled all over the inside of the plane, and why did she listen to Chivis anymore anyway she was a _grown woman_ , and oh yes, she was heading to Juliana right now and she couldn’t wait to see her and all the gorgeous outfits she had designed for the show that she was _so excited_ to see. Juliana was grinning by the time she reached the end of the message. She could close her eyes and see Valentina’s animated face, her blue eyes bright with delight as she told Juliana her stories and rushed to the limo that would bring her to her favorite person.

When Valentina did arrive at the venue, Juliana was in the middle of fixing the way one of her shirts was sitting on the shoulders of the model in front of her. Paula Gonzales was stunning in that way only models can be, somehow impossibly proportioned, and Juliana had designed this particular outfit with her specifically in mind. Gonzales had been difficult to book, and if Juliana was being honest, it was only because of her connection with the Carvajals that her modeling agency had agreed. It rankled a bit. The modeling agency had been curt and borderline rude with her, but Gonzales herself was far nicer than she had been expecting.

“There. That’s better, right? Take a look,” Juliana said, turning Paula to face the mirror.

“Much better. Your designs are incredible, Juliana. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever worn something I like so much. You’re truly a magnificent designer.” Juliana was struck by the tone of Paula’s voice, certain that she had been flirting instead of complimenting. As Paula turned to smile at her, she was suddenly aware of how close they were to each other. She took a step back right away, smiled politely, and started to move away right as she felt arms encircle her waist.

She laughed, eyes crinkling, as she spun around to return Valentina’s hug.

“You made it,” she sighed into Val’s hair, peace infusing her. She pulled back and looked at Valentina, who grinned and kissed her.

“Came as fast as I could! You look so pretty, Juls. Everything looks amazing.” Her eyes moved deliberately to Paula. “And who is - ? Wait! Paula Gonzales! Juls! You didn’t tell me you managed to book _Paula Gonzales!_ ” She pulled away from Juliana and extended her hand to the model, eyes round and shining. “I’m Valentina Carvajal and I’ve watched every show you’ve ever been in, I swear. How incredible that you are here!”

Paula looked taken aback but pleased. “Very nice to meet you, Miss Carvajal. I was just telling Juliana what an incredible designer she is. So talented, so beautiful.” She smiled over at Juliana, clearly still flirting. Valentina grinned and nodded as Juliana shifted uncomfortably.

“Isn’t she, though? We met before she even went to fashion school and even then she was the best designer in Mexico. Truly. And definitely the most beautiful. Those eyes!” Valentina sighed dreamily and brushed her finger along Juliana’s cheekbone, enjoying her girlfriend’s discomfiture at such dramatic public compliments.

Paula laughed and added, “The deepest brown! And that chin, such a gorgeous jawline!”

“And her hair, basically from a shampoo commercial, am I right?”

“She could have been a model!” Juliana rolled her eyes at the whole exchange, aware that Paula was maybe attracted to her, but also still riding the wave of happiness that Valentina’s present brought her.

“Seriously! See, Juls, Paula gets it. But you’re just a little too short for modeling, right, _mi amor_?” Valentina winked and laughed as she said it, and Juliana made a face at the well-worn joke.

“Half an inch, Val. I’m shorter than you by half an inch!” Juliana said for probably the millionth time since they started dating. Of all the things Valentina chose to tease her about, her height made the least sense and yet it was one of her favorite ways to tease her. “You’re so silly,” she added, pulling Valentina in closer to her and leaning her head against hers.

“You two have been together for a while, right?” Paula asked. Juliana squinted uncertainly at her, but Valentina answered enthusiastically with the exact amount of time they had been dating down to almost the hour. Paula found that incredibly amusing, and she and Valentina were lost giggling for a bit. “You are one lucky woman, Valentina.” Valentina nodded emphatically.

“The luckiest. She saved my life; she really did.”

“And you saved mine,” Juliana said, gazing into those crystal blue eyes that had become so very dear to her. They were lost in each other’s eyes for a few moments, remembering everything they had been through and all the people they had fought to be together. They had come so far, braved so much. Juliana leaned her forehead against Val’s, and they breathed in time with one another. Paula slipped away without either of them noticing.

Their gentle smiles echoed between them, filled with love, containing the certainty that they were destined to be together, bright with the hope that they would always meet again, no matter when and no matter where.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a different mood this chapter, but they are still wonderful and love each other so much. Hope this chapter helps all of you as much as it helped me to write it.

The runway show was a hit; her designs were lauded as everything from “distinguished” to “shocking”. Valentina would not stop repeating the critics’ words to her all evening (“Juls, don’t you think her outfit is _shocking_ ?” “Wow, seriously, look at that _distinguished_ tie.” “Have you ever seen someone with such _shocking_ eyes?”) It made her smile and roll her eyes every time, which was clearly Valentina’s goal. The schmoozing after the show was the hardest part, emotionally draining in a way that designing and showing could never be. But with Valentina there making her smile, Juliana felt calmer and more capable than she usually did.

The flashing cameras were relentless; being on the arm of a Carvajal always seemed to invite a hundred more paparazzi than usually followed her around. Eventually, even Valentina seemed to tire of being such a spectacle. Her grip on Juliana’s arm got a bit tighter, and they exchanged a glance, wordlessly communicating what they needed. The hour was late enough that they could leave without it causing too much of an uproar, so they walked out with photographers, models, and various celebrities surrounding them, escaped into their car blessed with tinted windows, and fell against each other, exhausted.

“Val,” she said quietly, eyes closed, breathing deep.

“I know, I know,” Valentina responded immediately, stroking Juliana’s hair as the driver took them away from the crowd. “You were amazing, Juls. Truly. I loved your designs, and so did everyone else. And the models you chose fit the outfits perfectly. How do you do that? Still such a mystery to me...” She kept whispering soft words in Juliana’s ear, hands moving gently over her hair and back, and Juliana sank further into her.

They arrived back at the hotel, and Juliana thanked the driver as Valentina gestured at one of the bellhops to take her suitcase so she could hold Juliana’s hand without distraction. Once they were back to the room, Juliana dropped Valentina’s hand and sat on the bed with a sigh.

“I don’t know about this, Val. Sometimes it’s just too much. Sometimes, I just...” She could feel Valentina’s concern like a physical thing, hovering in the air between them. She glanced away, looking at the wall as she spoke through gritted teeth, “I wish they would all just go away.”

Valentina sat next to her, and gently tilted Juliana’s face up until their eyes met. “You wish _who_ would go away?” Juliana blinked hard, suddenly close to tears as the week’s events, and everything that led up to them, all caught up with her at once. She didn’t answer Valentina, too focused on holding back her emotions, throat tight with anxiety, eyes averted from the caring gaze of the woman next to her.

After several minutes of silence, Juliana finally spoke again. “I love designing, and I love seeing my designs come to life from the table to the models. But sometimes the people vying for my attention, the flattery, the flirting, the cameras...that all outweighs the joy of designing. I don’t think I was actually cut out for this. Maybe I’m still just that poor homeless hitman’s daughter who likes to sew.”

“Juls, no -” Valentina’s eyes were wide, surprised at the turn the conversation was taking, but Juliana took her hand to stop her from continuing.

“Look, Val. I have been successful. I know that I’m good and that people like my designs. I get it. But I’m not...I still don’t feel like I’m really a part of this world. Like I’m just acting a part other people expect me to play. I don’t ever feel like myself unless I’m with you, or with a sketchbook and a bolt of fabric. These shows, the attention...you know it has always made me uncomfortable.” Valentina nodded slowly, tightening her grasp on Juliana’s hand.

“I think I understand, _mi amor_.” Valentina looked at Juliana, and when their eyes met, she felt that same deep connection as always, stirring up all the emotions she had ever experienced. And Valentina’s gaze softened and softened, and their foreheads touched.

“When I was a kid,” Juliana breathed, “I learned the hard way not to draw attention to myself.” A sharp intake of breath was the only response from Valentina, so she continued. “I was afraid all the time. Of my father, and then of the people who wanted to kill us for knowing him.” She drew back again, looking into those clear eyes, the only eyes that really knew her, but still did not know _all_ of her. “I think I’m still afraid, Val. And knowing that my face -” she cleared her throat, reaching up to touch Valentina’s cheek, “- and _your_ face is plastered all over the internet, all over the world? After everything we’ve gone through? I thought I would get used to it. I thought I was done being...being messed up by everything that happened. But I’m not.”

Valentina had tears in her eyes, and she pulled Juliana to her, arms wrapping tightly around her back, till they were pressed against each other completely, no space left between them. “Juliana,” she said softly, seriously, “you are not messed up. You are the kindest, most talented, toughest person I know. You told me all these things, things that I know are hard for you to talk about. And you...you were there for me when I was going through something like this, too. After Alacran, after Eva, and Lucia. Remember what you told me then?”

Juliana pressed her cheek into Valentina’s shoulder, nodding as she haltingly said, “That we would get through it together. That your emotions are real, and that your fear -” she stopped, swallowed, then continued “- that your fear and your love is what makes you brave. And that you wouldn’t be you without it.”

“Mhm,” Valentina hummed. “And we are safe now, Juls. We really are. It’s been years since everything that happened. Our...our fathers, and these extremely annoying but wonderfully efficient security teams, my brothers, your mom and Panchito, they’re all looking out for us. And we’re here, still. Together. And we love each other.” She pulled back, looking Juliana in the eye again. “And this is important, Juliana: there is nothing wrong with still being affected by everything that has happened to you. You’ve been through so much, and it is with you every day. You’re just finally starting to have the stability to face it, to work through it.”

Juliana nodded, eyes thoughtful. “Those therapy sessions, they’ve really been helping you, haven’t they?” she asked.

Valentina nodded. “I feel much better, lately,” she said, watching Juliana’s face carefully.

“Maybe...” Juliana rubbed the back of her neck, glancing away before returning her gaze to Valentina’s face. “Maybe I would feel better, too, if I talked to someone. Worked through some of this, properly.”

Valentina smiled. “I really think you would.”

A small smile flickered across Juliana’s face, drawn out by the loving woman in front of her. “Thank you for coming here, Val. For being with me. For being you.”

The gentle kiss that followed contained every ounce of gratitude each of them carried. Pain and compassion mingled there, soft at the edges of them, and they were reminded what it was to be truly heard, and seen, and validated by someone they loved.


End file.
